I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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