***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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