Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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