Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
