I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
