You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
