There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
