I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
