Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
