I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I still have a little drunk in my system
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
