I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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