capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize