Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
