morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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