So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize