"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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