I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
