i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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