wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
