dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
