I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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