hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
