i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
