i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
