my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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