I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize