this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize