Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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