I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
