I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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