I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
