a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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