If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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