there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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