so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
