Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
