there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
