i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
