i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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