just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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