i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
