Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't think brook has ever known best
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
