can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
