Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
