does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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