I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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