how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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