My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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