Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize