fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
