curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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