omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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