can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
