How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
