Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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