my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
