Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
