Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
