the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
