Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize