Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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