Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
