Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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