he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
