I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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