The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize